Sitting Still and Moving On

I have been running. A lot. Both literally and figuratively, as I have been doing a lot at work and around the house as well as really getting my running workouts in. I recently attempted to do a 7 day workout blitz, but I injured myself and got sick, AND started my cycle, so I only got 5 days in. But I still felt good, cause I know that I was, you know, reaching for stars and grasping the moon and all that.

Yesterday, I did my weekly 5 mile run with BGR-DC, went HARD on Capitol Hill, and hurt my back something awful!!! So I have been popping pills and sitting with a pillow behind my back (in between going to the mall and Target and the grocery store...one monkey hurt back don't stop no show shopping), basically, forcing myself to take a seat. Its good to sit still, though, cause it helps you to put things in perspective. I realize that there may be times in my life when I can move about freely and do what I want, when I want, and then, POOF, something may happen that alters my plans, or my life. Learning to deal with the ups and downs is key; I think I am gradually getting better at it. I'm sitting still, breathing, and knowing that this too shall pass (with the help of painkillers).

As for moving on, I have decided to do something that I have thought about on and off for, let's say, almost 20 years??? I am going to become a diplomat. I know, it seems that as soon as I achieve one career goal, then I am off trying to achieve another...its true. I can now say that I have been a classroom teacher, a librarian, a researcher, a public health advisor, and now I want to be a foreign service officer. I have just come to realize that while I desire the stability that a salaried position, health coverage, and retirement savings brings, I also need to feed that love for language, culture, history, and society that international travel nourishes. And so, since I am not one to waste my life simply WISHING for the things I want, I have decided to pursue this ambition of mine. I have spent a lot of time perusing FSO blogs, and I will add some to my bloglist shortly. I have also researched the career a lot (now you KNOW that I did the research, lol) and am preparing myself to take the FSO exam in June 2012. I foresee, if I make it through all the stages, that I will probably make this career change in the next few years, while F. is still in school. It is possible that I won't start this until he is in college, but I don't want to wait that long to start the process.

One trepidation that I do have is how this will impact my romantic life. Am I now ensuring that I will never marry?  Maybe, but I do have fantasies of meeting some fellow internationalist and either having a long distance relationship that is mutually fulfilling, or meeting someone who would be willing to travel the world with me. Whatever the case may be, I am not going to stifle my life goals in the off chance of possibly being married here in the States. I mean, my romantic life is non-existent now anyway, and I have been stateside for over a year (true, I spent the past year in two different states and undergoing grueling dissertation completion and job search processes, but still, I should have been able to date, fall in love, and get engaged at the same time...if Kim Kardashian can do it...wait...oh...never mind).

So, I am going to go ahead and reach for the stars again. In the interim, I am hoping to get a six month rotation as a international health analyst working on issues in the Western Hemisphere. I am brushing up on my Spanish (reading) and Portuguese (reading and listening). I feel like my sitting still will bode me well as I prepare to move on, some time in the future.

On purpose,

Mae

On Mission Setting

I've been busy these last few months getting settled into my new job, my new state, and my new role as mother of a high schooler. Needless to say, its been tough. But I am making it a point to take breaks when I need to and to regularly practice acts of self-love, self-awareness, and self-compassion. And since I am a woman who functions best when I have goals, I've been busy trying to figure out what's next.

I recently attended the National Book Festival at the National Mall in D.C. (so cool to be surrounded by books and authors!!!) where I happened to "run into" author Toni Morrison and NBC's Hoda Kotb speaking. Now of course, Toni Morrison was very interesting and inspiring to an aspiring writer like me (more on that later), but Hoda Kotb really surprised me! Now, I like her on Today and watch it when I can (which is not often), and I really admire her strength as a cancer survivor, but listening to her talk!!! She was hilarious, so energetic, and even profound! One thing she said really spoke to me...you change you life by changing your days. You have to really examine your life, figure out what changes need to be made, and do a little something each day to make that change. (I plan on getting her book, once I buy my Nook.)

I have already started doing that. Actually, the main reason that I was on the Mall that day was because I had just finished running with Black Girls Run, DC Chapter. Every Saturday, a group of Black women can be found running around the monuments and the Capital (Actually, there are about three groups, beginning, intermediate, and advanced...I straggle between the beginners and the intermediates, but I am moving on up!!). I have been running with them for about a month. Getting my health and fitness mission on track has already started. A later post will highlight the goals for October 2011.

So now I am thinking of the other changes that I want in my life, and I plan on doing something every day to make them happen. The first step is to think about what missions I want to accomplish in the next five years and even after that. So in no particular order here are the things that I want to accomplish:

In the next five years:

• Revamp my wardrobe
• Make my home a domestic haven
• Write 1-2 novels
• Become a running diva
• Become a weightlifting diva
• Travel to Europe
• Move up to at least a GS-14 level at work
• Get my son into college 
• Become much more financially comfortable 

Long term goals...well there is one that I have right now. Once my son is settled into college (maybe after his 1st year) I want to start doing work rotations overseas. A long time ago, I envisioned a life where I traveled and lived all over the world. I got a taste of that while living in Brazil, and while it was not all that I envisioned, I think that living abroad as a professional  will be a different and (for me) better experience than living abroad as a graduate student and single mother of a young child. My career is positioned in such a way as to make this a reality...in the interim, I am happy to work in DC (with maybe short jaunts out of state or overseas for work). But right now, this is the "next step" in my career progression...

I feel good about my life right now, and I feel much better about where it is headed!

On purpose,

Mae

Burning Bridges

As responsible and on top of things as I like to believe I am, its starting to become clear that a bit of a pattern is emerging. I do great work for an organization for years, develop a great reputation, and then, right before I am about to leave, something happens to tarnish or destroy that reputation. Its happened in work related situations twice, and twice, I believe, in spiritual community situations. The spiritual community ones were probably not that serious (in both cases I decided to leave and folks took issue with it) but the job related ones are giving me grief.

I think that one of the main reasons that I am so upset is because I don't want this to be the story of my life. I want to be professional when leaving for greener pastures, but sometimes life throws you curve balls. One of my issues is that I tend to pile a lot of stuff on my plate, become overwhelmed, and then am unable to complete it all. I really have to consider what needs to change in my life, especially as I embark on this new career.

In the wider scheme of things, I hit most of my targets, but I failed in one. So I don't feel unsuccessful or really bad about the situation in that sense. I suppose I should feel a little upset because the work I was doing was really important and contributed to a very important project. But I am trying to provide the organization with as much as possible, while realizing and admitting that I missed the mark. I am trying to be honest with people and apologetic, but again, sometimes things don't turn out perfectly, and people get disappointed.

As I move on to my new career, I want to be mindful of my weaknesses and to really think about how I can overcome this shortcoming of mine. I also want to consider this when interacting with others; perhaps I will be the one disappointed by someone's shortcomings; this experience can help me to be more empathetic to their situation.

In the end, this does not make me a bad person. I just was unable to complete a project and ended up disappointing and embarrassing people who had faith in me. Lesson learned.

On purpose,

Mae