As responsible and on top of things as I like to believe I am, its starting to become clear that a bit of a pattern is emerging. I do great work for an organization for years, develop a great reputation, and then, right before I am about to leave, something happens to tarnish or destroy that reputation. Its happened in work related situations twice, and twice, I believe, in spiritual community situations. The spiritual community ones were probably not that serious (in both cases I decided to leave and folks took issue with it) but the job related ones are giving me grief.
I think that one of the main reasons that I am so upset is because I don't want this to be the story of my life. I want to be professional when leaving for greener pastures, but sometimes life throws you curve balls. One of my issues is that I tend to pile a lot of stuff on my plate, become overwhelmed, and then am unable to complete it all. I really have to consider what needs to change in my life, especially as I embark on this new career.
In the wider scheme of things, I hit most of my targets, but I failed in one. So I don't feel unsuccessful or really bad about the situation in that sense. I suppose I should feel a little upset because the work I was doing was really important and contributed to a very important project. But I am trying to provide the organization with as much as possible, while realizing and admitting that I missed the mark. I am trying to be honest with people and apologetic, but again, sometimes things don't turn out perfectly, and people get disappointed.
As I move on to my new career, I want to be mindful of my weaknesses and to really think about how I can overcome this shortcoming of mine. I also want to consider this when interacting with others; perhaps I will be the one disappointed by someone's shortcomings; this experience can help me to be more empathetic to their situation.
In the end, this does not make me a bad person. I just was unable to complete a project and ended up disappointing and embarrassing people who had faith in me. Lesson learned.